Real life tank

I always loved playing tank. To put on all that heavy armor, equip shield and axe, and just hold your ground no matter how much beating you take… Makes one feel powerful. Reliable. Someone who’s there.

Hey Xavius, stop being mean to them animals, eh.

In real life, I always wanted to be that one too. The one who steps in when someone’s in trouble and say to the bullies that “hey, pick on someone your own size”.

However, I never really felt I did. I’m not standing on any frontlines, I’m not fighting for the weak, I’m not protecting the innocent. I just shy away, stay on a safe distance, avoid conflict. Because everytime I try, I get my ass handed back at me. So I’ve been thinking that hah, no, I’m no real life tank.

I mean, honestly, as a real life tank I’m pretty lousy. My armor’s thin and fragile, my stats are completely off (I mean my highest stat is INT? wtf), my weapons may be sharp but oh so unbalanced, and the shield is made of leather. And I often pull more than I can handle; my self heal is rather unimpressive.

Hello, superpalafragalisticexpialidocious tank at your serv- ouch dont hurt me please OW OW!

Until it occurred to me that I am tanking stuff all the time. If people near me are shit talking someone not present, I defended the victim. With the result that I’m probably the shit talk subject next. But still. I taunted them. If someone is mean to someone else, be it kids on the school yard, or adult kids on the internet, I step in if it’s on a turf I know.

I might be left with only one or two HP after, because seriously, I take almost everything personal. And if I don’t, I think I did something wrong anyway. But, I crawl away, catch my breath, patch up the armor with duct tape and staples, and eventually I push myself up again and go aggro some more asshats.


I am a real life tank after all.

A level 37 tank in unoptimized self-made armor, but I am still a tank.

Engineer tank, fuck yeah.


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